I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
