I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
