The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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