Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
