Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
