dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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