bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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