Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
