I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
