just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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