she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
