he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize