I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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