tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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