I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
