Whod you bang
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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