I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
