Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
