My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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