its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
