Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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