I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
