i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
