sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
