The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
