I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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