i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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