i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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