So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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