Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
