very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
