u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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