just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
