Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
