sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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