You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
