i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
