Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The air was thick with penises
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
