I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
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