you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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