Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
