:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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