Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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