Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
