My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
