I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
