Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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