It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
