At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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