I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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