my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
