Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
