Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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