I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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