Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
