You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
