You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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