Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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