In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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