I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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